Thursday, July 3, 2014

Top 10 Things I Learned on Summer Vacation

Hey guys!

I know I haven't written in an embarrassing amount of time but I promise I will make it up to you by writing new posts that will blow your mind. I'd like to begin by saying that I do have a legitimate excuse. I've been away on an exotic island (Turks and Caicos) to soak up some sun and take a technological hiatus (which I recommend to everyone). Once in a while, we all need a break from real life (Instagram) to stop and smell the flowers, brush our toes through the sand, and stare at some multi-coloured fish.

On my trip, I learned a few things that I'd like to share with you (in case you were planning the same type of beach vacation and weren't sure how to go about it). Relax, unwind, and read through. You may learn something important.

Only VERY Attractive People Look Good In A Scuba Mask
Hot fish face.
I witnessed this firsthand. A scuba mask is not exactly the average person's definition of a fashion statement, but somehow, good looking people wear them and still look insanely hot. Sigh. Unfortunately, I am not one of them.

A Good Tan Will Hide Your Body Hair
No, that's not me.
Tanning may be unhealthy, but it bleaches your happy trail and darkens your complexion so nobody can see the spots you missed with your razor. SCORE.

Beach Hair Does Not Look Like Gisele's
That's me. Just kidding.
Flip through any magazine this summer and you'll see the words: how to get beach waves like Gisele/Blake/Kate. Most of it is a LIE. REAL beach waves are actually hideous and dirty. Luckily, we've still got our trusty hair products to fix the damage.

Your Hat Is Your New Best Friend
You'll actually look this sexy.
When it's scorching hot and your forehead is exposed, terrible things can happen. Even if it looks bad, wear a hat. You'll thank me later.

Sand Is A Natural Exfoliant
THE Queen Bey
True story guys. Let those pesky little children burry you in it. They are doing you a favour.

Bikini Selfies Take A LOT Of Tries Before We Look This Good
And she's a model...
I am below-average sized, so despite a slim figure, I look like a little girl in a bikini (not your definition of sexy). I also don't really know my angles because lo and behold, I'm not obsessed with selfies. However, on vacation, I can't help myself. Unfortunately, getting a good photo is no easy feat for some of us. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is CLEARLY a pro.

You Will Never Be Tanned Enough (Or Evenly)
Some people have perfect tans. Newsflash: they probably aren't real. Most people get burned in random spots. We constantly compare ourselves to those darker folks and feel a twang of envy upon observing our own awkward tan lines. Get this thought into your head and you'll instantly feel better. You will never be dark enough, so just stop trying and get some sunscreen. There will always be someone darker than you and someone lighter than you. It's the law of life.

Some Bathing Suits Only Look Good In Magazines
Don't try this at home.
Remember that cool cutout one piece you saw in Vogue? Don't buy it. Awkward tan lines are just not cute.

Sunglasses Are A MUST
They almost guarantee hot men.
I know you don't want tan line circles around your eyes but do you want burnt eyelids? I don't think so. Protect your face.

And the number 1 thing I learned while on vacation...
Your Mani-Pedi Probably Won't Last
Looking good (that's me).
A mani-pedi simply won't suffice. If you don't want chipped nails in your photos, go shellac. Your cocktail selfies will look WAY better.

Have a wonderful day lovelies and hope this helps you when you embark on your beach vacations.



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